#23 - Nim's Island

I will be honest here. I have a large man crush on Gerard Butler. I wanna be his drinking buddy, or his little brother, or even the doorman in his building. I feel as though my awesomeness would go up exponentially if I were in his presence. And I have forgiven Gerry for being in some bad movies, like Lara Croft 2, Shattered, and PS I Love You (although I know that movie gets him laid whenever he wants, so I'll allow it). But I have to say I am becoming bewildered with some of these choices. I need a victory. Last one was 300, and while I was only a little over a year ago, its been a long year.

A long year that contained the horrible movie Nim's Island. I should have loved this movie. We know it has Gerry, but it's also a kid's film, which I enjoy more than any other 23 year old semi-drunk with a foul mouth.

Nothing could save this movie, not even Gerard.

Gerard is some scientist that lives on some random island in the Pacific with his daughter. He's looking for some protozoa that's special, but I probably got a D in Bio, so I neither know nor care. The live on this island that resembles the CDW island guy commercials with a bunch of hilarious human like animals, all of Nim's friends. She reads, cause time warner has got coverage in their area yet. And she loves Alex Rover, some jack of all trades hero that is like a cooler and douchier Indiana Jones (cooler cause Gerard plays the character, douchier cause the character is written far more goofy (I don't know how that's possible but it is) and stupid (ditto).

So when her dad crashes while finding the protozoa, Abigail Breslin emails the real Alex Rover, a agoraphobic Jodi Foster. After a series of terrible adventures, Jodi makes it to the island, but Nim has pretty much taken care of all the drama. EXCEPT the point where Jodi is randomly drowning, and basically dramatically holds her hand out for Nim, and then lets the 10 YEAR OLD GIRL SWIM HER TO SAFETY. At that point, I wanted her to drown (either one).

Gerard wasn't in this movie a whole lot, but it was painful when he was. It's not his fault. He had some of the worst lines. <> There were really that many exclamation points, I promise. He had no ability to not sound like a douche. I am mad at him for taking this movie, not his acting.

In the end, Gerard and Jodi fall in love and Nim has a new mom. This couldn't have happened, because Gerard would never fall in love with an over the hill, over rated lesbian who would allow a 10 year old to swim for her.

This movie was one of the worst of the year, hands down. But I did give it an extra 10 spots because of Gerard was in it. I give it a mhe.

Date: 4.6.08
Cost: $4.50
Running Time: 95 minutes
Companions: Danny Devito
Anticipated Spot on the 100: 88