#3 - 27 Dresses

This may make me rather unpopular, but I am going to say what I need to say. Members of the female persuasion will not want to speak with me, but it is a burden I must bear.

THIS MOVIE SUCKED!!!!

Oh it sucked so hard. I legitimately wanted to leave the theater half way through, but out of conviction to the complete what I set out to do, I stayed. I sat the latter half squirming in irritation and discomfort. Upon arriving home, I wandered the halls aimlessly, so flustered over how bad this movie was. I have never, ever felt such a rage from a film. I am serious in saying it ruined my day.

And here's the thing... I will come out and admit I enjoy chick flicks. I love a good Rom Com. It took a couple of tries, but hell, I even like The Notebook. I entered this movie expecting to enjoy it. I am a fan of Izzy. I am also in allegiance with James Marsden, as he was Cyclops and a Delt. But it betrayed me. Maybe that is why I am so mad. I trusted it, and it betrayed me.

Or maybe it was because it sucked.

Izzy is your every day I do everything for those around me cause I don't want to deal with my own baggage kind of people. But you like her, cause she's Izzy. She is always the bridesmaid. Then her bratty little sister makes the man she loves fall in love with her and wants Izzy to plan it all. Cue Scott Summers, who is a cynical and damaged Wedding Story writer who likes her from the beginning, but she's too busy being in love with her douche boss and throwing herself a pity party to care. But you still like her, cause she's Izzy.

Alright, that's all well and good, but what pissed me off you ask. Well, I will tell you. First off, this movie was like the Pursuit of Happyness aimed directly at women. Izzy just constantly shit on, it just keeps going. Always a bridesmaid, guy she loves goes after her little sister, nice guy perceived as a douche keeps bugging her, sister gets the dead mom's wedding dress that Izzy likes but the sister really doesn't (and later hems the living hell out of it). It just keeps getting bad. And this is supposed to be entertainment. I hope this isn't want women want. I truly hope your desire isn't to get to rock bottom before love comes your way. If it is, I feel bad for you, as everyone felt bad for her.

So then the hit parade keeps a coming. She finally starts to appreciate Cyke, and they end up in a po-dunk bar hammerfaced, and what happens: they hook up. Yay drunken hook ups. They just really want to make you feel good about this movie. They rob you any good feelings about the two of them getting together. Because it's everyone's dream to not remember their first time with their future husband/wife. Kudos writers.

So she extracts her revenge and screws over her little sister, revealing her for a fraud just to get with her loverboy. But do we get to feel good for it: NOPE. She is made to feel bad by her whore friend, the comic relief (we get to laugh at how much of a slut she is, being slightly jealous of how much play she gets). So she finally admits to her boss that she was in love, and then....they kiss! How fucking absurd. But neither feels anything so she quits cause he doesn't appreciate her. She goes after James because she finally realized that he does appreciate her, and yay she finally got the wedding she deserves.

So as I have said, I am an Izzy fan. She has always been fun to watch, and I would be lying if I didn't say that she is pretty smoking too. Why I ask then, did they have to Ug her up so much? I actually like the brown hair. And I am admittedly no expert on women's fashion (there are many out there who say I have no fashion sense at all), but she had some of the most unattractive outfits possible. I completely believe that they purposely ugged her up for this role. I just want to know why.

Really, the major reason I hate this movie is cause of its' attitude. I would say it's a man basher, but it really isn't. There are two male love interests in this, the guy she loves isn't really much of a douche, he just takes her for granted (I may be the chauvinist, but it probably has SOME, not all but something to do with her being an enabler). The other, James, does eventually screw her over, but really didn't mean to. He actually comes out being the most genuine and thoroughly good character. So no man bashing. It really comes down to the whole depressing thing. It's like they want to torture the audience (as demographics go, females 18-34, the boyfriends that get dragged along, and the few relentless moviegoers who make mistakes on the films they choose). Why do you do that? There are many possibilities, and I do not feel like speculating. Whatever they are, I do not like them.

There is a benefit to having seen this movie this year. From now on, I can say "Well why not, it can't be worse than 27 Dresses." I am placing this movie at 99 on my anticipated rankings of the year, leaving the door open for the potential god awful movie, maybe Hostel 3, or anything made by the Sci Fi, Lifetime, TNT, CBS networks that makes it to the silver screen. I give it nothing, because that is what it deserves.

Date: 1.19.08
Cost: $8
Running Time: 107 minutes
Companions: Steve Carell
Anticipated Spot on the 100: 99